something to say
It's truly astonishing how little I've had to say since I came to Berklee. I am constantly processing and taking everything in; it seems as if I won't be able to describe my experience here until years from now when it is all said and done. In fact, I don't really have anything to say right now, but that last entry was probably starting to look pretty depressing, so I thought I should remedy that.
The good news is that my heart is mostly healed, a relatively quick process compared to some of my former injuries. Sometimes things just aren't what they seem. I had a revelation today that has probably been said a million times before in much more poetic fashion: Just because you love someone doesn't mean they are right for you. I know, I know, it seems obvious, but for some reason it didn't hit me until today. I love the person I've been dating off and on since my arrival in Boston, but we're not even close to having relationship compatibility. Completely different backgrounds, completely different wants and needs, but despite all the crap (and there has been plenty) we've loved eachother unconditionally (against my very best efforts.) Sometimes love isn't enough.
Then there are those people that you think you *should* fall for but it just never seems to happen. I have a handful of incredibly amazing guys in my life that would do anything for me but I guess there is just that missing element - the x factor maybe. If I could control the x factor my life may be drastically different. But I suppose the x factor is what keeps things interesting.
When I started this journal I was head over heels for my highschool boyfriend, my first love. I had so much overwhelming warmth bubbling over in my heart I had to have somewhere public to write it down. I wonder if that feeling will ever happen again, or if love really works like I suggest in one of my songs: "Was I just young enough to still believe?"
The songwriter in me is just absurd. Until next time.