... a big steaming pile of pathetic.
Somebody help me. I'm on the rebound (longer than I should be), my Berklee stuff is falling apart before my eyes (hopefully to get pieced back together), and here I am alone in my apartment not really doing a damn thing.
I'm not falling for it anymore. I'm not falling for you, or you, or you. I'm just moving. 1000 miles away. You can't find me there, right?
Pshh, right. At this point I must reference an entry I wrote in 2004 when I was in California. From this experience, I know that when I get to Boston (if I get there) I'll still be me. I'll still fall, and fall hard, and focus on the wrong things, and I still won't be able to escape... me. Unless I change. Maybe Boston will make me change. Maybe I'll grow.
Or maybe this is all just fantasy.
I've realized in the past few days that I really have no idea what to expect in Boston. I shouldn't even begin to try to guess. I can say that I'll love it, and it will be amazing and magical and perfect, or I can say that I'll be so homesick I won't be able to stand it, but in the end, I'm still me, and I'm everywhere I go, and that is the only thing I can count on. East coast, west coast, the south.. I'm still going to make the same mistakes, and be the same "steaming pile of pathetic" as long as I'm around and making what I consider to be bad decisions.
So, expect nothing. Just hope that I'm making the right decision. You and me both.