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December 26, 2005

368 days later

I did this survey December 23rd last year, so I thought it was only appropriate to see how far I've come along!

1. What did you do in 2005 that you'd never done before? went grocery shopping for myself, lived in an apartment with no parents!, got into Berklee... not as much as last year!

2. Did you keep your new years' resolutions, and will you make more for next year? Same answer: I don't recall any resolutions... so I guess if I had them I broke them. I'm not making new years' resolutions, just the same ones I make to myself on a week to week basis.

3. Did anyone close to you give birth? no, but Traci is pregnant!

4. Did anyone close to you die?not super close to me, but a friend, yes

5. What countries did you visit? none, but I did go to Boston for the first time!

6. What would you like to have in 2006 that you lacked in 2005? Financial security, but that's not gonna happen :)

7. What date from 2005 will remain etched upon your memory, and why? I LOVE DATES!! Here's a few... Late January - recording and writing with Mike, March - when I got into Berklee, spring break, May - moved out of Creswell, September 2nd - The Big Fantastic's first show, September 29th - my best birthday ever, October 29th - walking around in the first snow of the season in Boston, October 31st - finding out I was going to Berklee for real, all of November - because of a certain someone... okay I'll stop now :)

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year? my band's success in Athens and my Berklee scholarship audition... even though I probably didn't get a scholarship, it went extremely well

9. What was your biggest failure? probably the way I have handled various relationships

10. Did you suffer illness or injury? the worst was tonsilitis which I came down with three days before my band's first show... but the show must go on!!

11. What was the best thing you bought?my plane ticket to Boston

14. Where did most of your money go? just life - rent, food, and Boston prep. Besides that, the usual - concert tickets

15. What did you get really, really, really excited about? um, you might have heard me mention the whole Berklee thing? :)

16. What song(s) will always remind you of 2004?
"Hakuna Matata" in Japanese
"Midnight Rider" - ST and the Big Fantastic style
"Boston" - Mark Chilla

17. Compared to this time last year, are you:
Happier or sadder? probably about the same. happy for very different reasons though
Thinner or fatter? the same I think, but mom says my legs have gotten skinnier (in a bad way. thanks mom)
Richer or poorer? I think I am poorer, and if I'm not right now I will be really soon

18. What do you wish you'd done more of? running, focusing on music

19. What do you wish you'd done less of? worrying.. it's all gonna work out

20. How will you be spending Christmas? I spent Christmas with my family in my house. I didn't step outside all day, and it was really awesome

22. Did you fall in love in 2004? nope, still waiting, but that's probably a good thing

23. How many one-night stands? sheesh. well. the make-out one night stand number has increased from last year, I'll say that. I don't really feel like figuring it out...

24. What was your favorite TV program? I got addicted to Sex and the City via DVDS and On Demand... also CSI

25. Do you hate anyone now that you didn't hate this time last year? hate is a strong word... let's just say they are extremely frustrating

26. What was the best book you read? I don't think I really read... books... but I did finally read On the Road, which was really good

27. What was your greatest musical discovery? I'm not sure I can really claim him yet because I don't have a cd, but Gavin Degraw is really freakin talented

28. What did you want and get? Berklee

29. What did you want and not get? a recording of my band

30. What was your favorite film of this year? don't really care

31. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you? went to a very brief dinner with the family, played my first show at Last Call with the band.. had an incredible turn out of friends who sang me happy birthday while I was on stage. I was 20.

32. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying? writing more songs

33. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2004? not having one

34. Who or what kept you sane? my band, music, working towards Berklee

35. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most? let's go with Jay Clifford again

36. What political issue stirred you the most? the war

37. Who did you miss? my sister Heather, Jason Lopez, and all the people in Athens that I don't get to see enough or that disappeared out of my life

38. Who was the best new person you met? Boston Ian who has helped way beyond the call of duty

39. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2005: Everything will work out, no matter how rough it seems

40. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year:
give me something inspirational and it will all work out-y, that's it

10 YEARS AGO I
1. lived in Winder
2. wanted to be an actress
3. played no sports
4. was really short
5. had a lot of friends

FIVE YEARS AGO I
1. had just gotten my learners
2. was melodramatic about anything and everything
3. had been kissed by just one really bad kisser
4. was just starting to get decent at guitar
5. pretty much liked high school

TWO YEARS AGO I
1. was getting over a complete heartbreak
2. was determined not to go to UGA
3. wasn't performing very much
4. wasn't very happy
5. pretty much spent all my free time with dad and Courtney

ONE YEAR AGO I
1. was applying to Berklee in secret
2. was anxious to tell my friends what was going on
3. got drunk EVERY Friday and Saturday
4. communicated via away messages
5. was about to lose my job at the bookstore, boohoo

YESTERDAY I
1. went to a Christmas Eve service to hear dad play
2. did my Christmas shopping
3. said goodbye to a friend I won't see for two years or more
4. ate a lot of chocolate
5. talked to some of my favorite people in person and on the phone

TODAY I
1. woke up to breakfast in bed
2. found that Santa had left me a new guitar case!
3. watched the beginning of a really bad movie, "Elvis has left the Building" with my family and then we decided it sucked
4. played some ukelele
5. received text messages from people I love

TOMORROW I WILL
1. hopefully go see the Regans
2. probably watch Wicker Park
3. check my e-mail and facebook right when I wake up
4. try to borrow lots of money
5. eat lots of chocolate

FIVE THINGS I WOULD BUY WITH $1,000
1. 1 and 1/2 month's rent in B-town :)
2. a new guitar for playing live with a preamp in the guitar
3. food
4. nice looking cds to sell
5. good Christmas gifts

FIVE BAD HABITS I HAVE - the only one I had to change from last year is number 4... maybe that is a sign I should try to change...
1. falling in unreasonable amounts of love
2. biting my nails
3. swearing I won't call, text message, e-mail, or IM somebody and doing it anyway
4. staying up later than everyone else in the world
5. obessively visiting sites that don't change

FIVE PLACES I'VE LIVED
1. Atlanta, Georgia
2. Tucker, Georgia
3. Winder, Georgia
4. Athens, Georgia
5. My answer last year was..."no where else... yet." This is still true, but next year I will have one more to add to the list...

Boston, Mass!!!

I'm so excited... can you tell? :)

December 20, 2005

what I feel like today is...

... a big steaming pile of pathetic.

Somebody help me. I'm on the rebound (longer than I should be), my Berklee stuff is falling apart before my eyes (hopefully to get pieced back together), and here I am alone in my apartment not really doing a damn thing.

I'm not falling for it anymore. I'm not falling for you, or you, or you. I'm just moving. 1000 miles away. You can't find me there, right?

Pshh, right. At this point I must reference an entry I wrote in 2004 when I was in California. From this experience, I know that when I get to Boston (if I get there) I'll still be me. I'll still fall, and fall hard, and focus on the wrong things, and I still won't be able to escape... me. Unless I change. Maybe Boston will make me change. Maybe I'll grow.

Or maybe this is all just fantasy.

I've realized in the past few days that I really have no idea what to expect in Boston. I shouldn't even begin to try to guess. I can say that I'll love it, and it will be amazing and magical and perfect, or I can say that I'll be so homesick I won't be able to stand it, but in the end, I'm still me, and I'm everywhere I go, and that is the only thing I can count on. East coast, west coast, the south.. I'm still going to make the same mistakes, and be the same "steaming pile of pathetic" as long as I'm around and making what I consider to be bad decisions.

So, expect nothing. Just hope that I'm making the right decision. You and me both.