lock myself in a soundproof room to cry
kiss all of these broken dreams goodbye
I never needed them anyway
I am meant to stay
here with you
If there was ever a week I believed I was being tested, this just might be it.
1) It rained a lot yesterday.
2) I'm sick. I've officially been sick for a week now and it doesn't appear to be getting any better.
3) Boys are stupid. Especially ones that admit they are stupid but continue to be stupid despite the knowledge of their own stupidity. By boys, of course I mean boy.
4) My crazy someday dream has to want me just as much as I want it. This week everything is telling me that it doesn't want me. In a hardcore, solid, kind of way, not my bogus "feeling" stuff.
5) Piano is kicking my ass and theory is not too far behind.
Most of the time I can't help but walk around smiling... today after 5 pm I couldn't even force myself to smile at passers by that smiled at me.
However, there is always balance in the universe. The weather was absolutely beautiful today. Being sick makes you appreciate what it is like to be healthy (at least for a while). As much as I like(d?) that one, I don't need someone that is not going to be as into me as I am into them, and it's better for me to know how he feels now rather than, say, over a year into it. Same goes for *that dream*. Hmm and I can't quite think of a positive side to my school struggles... except maybe what doesn't kill you makes you stronger. Hmm.
Basically, what all my problems come down to is that I just have to realize that whatever is meant to happen will happen. I will end up with the right person in the right place and it might take years or it might never happen, and I'll be constantly searching, but it is essentially out of my hands.
I love the total lack and gift of power that having faith gives me. Nothing is in my hands yet everything is. All I have to do is step back and believe everything will turn out okay.