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December 31, 2004

and BAM! 2005

While most people are out drinking with their friends, kissing their significant others, or hanging out with family at someone's house on this New Year's Eve, I am home. Alone.

My New Year's plans kind of fell through but it was okay. Tonight is one of those nights that I just have to sit down and digest the day and look forward to the next one.

It's amazing what making music with someone can do to you.

2004 brought me things I would have never guessed or expected. My life has changed in so many ways but I feel like I've hardly noticed. Have I changed? Or is it just the world around me?

I can only hope for what 2005 might show me. The world. My dreams. My life the way I always thought it would be - and at the same time what I thought was never possible. My life is passing by just as quickly as these minutes are ticking away to the new year. What am I going to do about it?

Happy New Year everybody. I love you all.

December 23, 2004

Holy moly! What's this? A survey?

1. What did you do in 2004 that you'd never done before? ooh lots: got drunk, won an open mic contest, played DD, got into UGA, kissed new guys after a broken heart, got invited to open for Eve 6... wow, haha, I'm learning a lot about myself already

2. Did you keep your new years' resolutions, and will you make more for next year? I don't recall any resolutions... so I guess if I had them I broke them. I'm not making new years' resolutions, just the same ones I make to myself on a week to week basis.

3. Did anyone close to you give birth? no...

4. Did anyone close to you die? no...

5. What countries did you visit? California :)

6. What would you like to have in 2005 that you lacked in 2004? a car and hmm... other things that can't be mentioned

7. What date from 2004 will remain etched upon your memory, and why? Well, if any of you know me practically all of them because I love calenders... but here is a sample: May 20th - got truly completely angry with him for the first time, May 21st - played class song with Courtney at graduation, July 14th - met the girl that would be become one of my best friends, ever, August 5th - kissed by guy that would sort of take over my life for a while without even knowing it, August 15th - moved into Creswell, November 30th - had a couple of big talks

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year? getting chosen for the class song, making it to nearly all my 8AMs, getting a 3.43 gpa :)

9. What was your biggest failure? my songwriter's block continues

10. Did you suffer illness or injury? yes. my california scar proves it :)

11. What was the best thing you bought? THE MEAL PLAN

14. Where did most of your money go? buying stuff for my dorm room at the beginning of the year, concert tickets

15. What did you get really, really, really excited about? my California trip, lots of guys, In the Red, my new music site, COLLEGE

16. What song(s) will always remind you of 2004?
"In Your Arms Tonight" - Mike Willis
"Peripheral People" - Bain Mattox
everything Insignia
"Goodbye" - Courtney B. and Sarah T.

17. Compared to this time last year, are you:

Happier or sadder? oh geez. so much happier. like a dark cloud has been blown away.
Thinner or fatter? probably fatter considering I do have the meal plan and I don't run five miles a day
Richer or poorer? way unbelievably richer. I have student loans and a job. doesn't mean I get to spend any of the money though

18. What do you wish you'd done more of? running, dating (not this fake dating stuff), playing guitar

19. What do you wish you'd done less of? pining away over boy

20. How will you be spending Christmas? In my Winder home with no mom (she's in cali) and no tree (it's in the attic and we are lazy)

22. Did you fall in love in 2004? No.

23. How many one-night stands? hmm. unless you count highlighter boy, then zero and way happy about that

24. What was your favorite TV program? tv?

25. Do you hate anyone now that you didn't hate this time last year? no

26. What was the best book you read? um probably the only book I read, The Lovely Bones

27. What was your greatest musical discovery? definitely Mike Willis. Bain Mattox is a close one but I fell in love with him slightly before 2004 :)

28. What did you want and get? a new site, my guitar fixed up, freedom

29. What did you want and not get? a car, that guy

30. What was your favorite film of this year? NAPOLEAN DYNAMITE

31. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you? Went to my mom's surprise birthday party, got mad at my family, drove back to athens alone and went to a friend's show alone, listened to my friend play guitar outside of the well... I know it sounds lonely but it was actually fine. I was 19.

32. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying? writing a song

33. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2004? fashion? eh?

34. Who or what kept you sane? music, Fondas

35. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most? Jay Clifford

36. What political issue stirred you the most? same-sex marriage

37. Who did you miss? Shawn for a long time. Then Jason a lot. Courtney in general. Now it is someone, or maybe something, else.

38. Who was the best new person you met? so many great new people in my life, but I have to go with ALA without a doubt

39. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2004: Don't get too caught up in guys. I've learned this, but I still do not follow it.

40. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year:
"felt just like I could breathe again... the music stopped and then faded in" - Mike

10 YEARS AGO I
1. lived in Winder
2. wanted to be an actress
3. played no sports
4. was really short
5. had a lot of friends

FIVE YEARS AGO I
1. was in an extremely awkward phase of my life
2. was melodramatic about anything and everything
3. wrote in a paper journal a lot
4. still didn't play guitar
5. was desperately waiting for my first kiss

TWO YEARS AGO I
1. was totally, madly, and completely in love
2. was by that point an experienced and excellent kisser ;)
3. thought I would go to college out of state
4. had been playing guitar for two years
5. hardly got to drive anywhere

ONE YEAR AGO I
1. cried myself to sleep lots of nights
2. considered UGA a last resort
3. was on the down slope from the best physical shape of my life
4. chatted on AIM a lot
5. had never had a job outside of 106 West

YESTERDAY I
1. woke up for a bit
2. Took a nap for a bit
3. went to Buford and got laser surgery on my California scar
4. chatted on AIM a lot
5. hung out with Courtney until the wee hours of the morning just like old times

TODAY I
1. woke up late to my favorite wake up girl :)
2. tried not to think about Monday
3. created a myspace account
4. chatted on AIM a lot
5. just remembered I have laundry sitting in the washer

TOMORROW I WILL
1. try to unsuccessfully wake up early
2. chat on AIM a lot
3. work on the thing I should be working on right now
4. check out myspace, facebook, my site, and mike's new site a lot
5. go to Conyers to stay with the fondas

FIVE THINGS I WOULD BUY WITH $1,000
1. um, a car?
2. a new guitar for playing live with a preamp in the guitar
3. a kick ass digital camera
4. your love
5. I'm having a hard time thinking of stuff. weird.

FIVE BAD HABITS I HAVE
1. falling in unreasonable amounts of love
2. biting my nails
3. swearing I won't call, text message, e-mail, or IM somebody and doing it anyway
4. putting my clothes on my dresser instead of in my dresser
5. obessively visiting sites that don't change

FIVE PLACES I'VE LIVED
1. Atlanta, Georgia
2. Tucker, Georgia
3. Winder, Georgia
4. Athens, Georgia
5. no where else... yet

Yes, even I break down and do these things sometimes. I mean, it only took like two hours. Totally worth it. :-D

December 20, 2004

a plea to be inspired

Current Music: Screwed - Butch Walker

Maybe I'm not meant for this.

I try and I try to write songs with no results. I haven't written a song in over two years. I have a new website and I'm getting gigs and making cds... and for what? To play and promote the same seven songs over and over? It's driving me insane.

I want to perform. So much. But I don't want to perform covers all the time or the same songs again and again. I'm going to get burnt out again very soon if something doesn't change very fast. When I talk to other songwriter friends about songwriting, I hear two things the most... 1): "I can't help but write songs... they just happen constantly." I am extremely envious of these people. And 2): "Don't give up. Every songwriter has blocks. It will come back. Whatever you do, don't give up." After two years, I'm having a very hard time believing anymore.

What happened to me? Did I raise my standards for myself, or lose all inspiration, or am I just not meant to do this? What if I really am just going to end up as a chorus teacher or something? What if all this talk I've heard about me being destined for great things is just talk?? What if I let everyone down and my name isn't ever close to being in lights?

Don't be mistaken. My goal is not to be famous. I just want to move people. I want to continue to write songs that mean something to someone, somewhere.

What I would give to do this.

If you pray, please pray for me. Give me inspiration. Help me see the beauty in life that is just waiting for a song.

I've just got to do this.

December 17, 2004

downtown lights not shining on me for a while

I hate to say it, but right now I am pretty excited about getting out of Athens for a bit. Downtown can be great; it also can create some problems. I just need to focus on some other things for a while: music, school, family.

Yay Christmas break.

I loved being DD. I think when I do start going out again I'm going to offer to do a lot more often... at least while it is cold. :-D

Goodnight

December 12, 2004

I will wait for you until whenever

I'm officially friends with an Eddie's Attic Open Mic Shoot-Out winner. And I'm damn proud of him.

This weekend was sooo completely crazy, especially considering the total soberness on my part. Mostly it was crazy because I was surprised by a couple of drunken dials to my sober self from two people I care a lot about telling me how they feel about me: lots of flattery that I didn't deserve.

December is such a strange time. I've got some big things happening in my life. I can't wait though, I really can't. I grin every time I think about it.

Damn.