A few thoughts
Current Music: None... I'm thinking too hard
So, as some of you may know, I've had some big changes in my life recently. You may be wondering how I'm doing... then again, maybe not... but the answer is, I'm okay. Everything happens for a reason, and what is meant to happen will, in time. I have come to realize I really believe in this. I don't know if you'd call it "fate"; I just know that there are several paths I can take in my life, but I'm sure in the end I will go down the right one.
With that said, now for my real purpose of starting this journal. I'm going to try to be really honest today.
I've been thinking a lot about my friends recently... two in particular. The first is Courtney. My friendship with Courtney has really gotten so awesome recently. I realize I could have had this so much sooner if I was always the friend I should have been, and it makes me wonder about my character. I know there are so many things I've done in our friendship that have been so selfish that I should have just let go of... like that guy we both liked back in the day. And I realize I've spent a lot of time being jealous of her instead of loving her and being happy for everything that she is. That, in itself, is very selfish. But I guess there is always time and room to grow, and I think that is what I am doing. I find myself finally being genuinely and truly happy for all good things that happen to her. I didn't even realize I wasn't this way before, but now that I have changed, I can feel the difference. I can feel myself becoming a less selfish person. I haven't mentioned any of this to her, but I wonder what she would think. I wonder if she can feel the change in me. I hope she forgives me for the times that I was less of a friend than I should have been.
And then (this one may surprise you), there is Javan. See the thing is, I don't really hang out with Javan that much, and I don't even think we've ever had a deep and sincere conversation. But for some reason, I am really compelled to be his friend. I think it is all part of another lesson I learned. I've known Javan for over six years but I didn't really know anything about him at all until the end of last school year. All of a sudden, I realized what an awesome and funny person he is, and now I truly cherish and value him. Through his online journal (wow! these things are great) I have learned even more about him and see an amazing person there. I am just disappointed that I did not get to know him sooner. And because we don't really hang out and aren't close on a personal level, I am scared he will be one of the people I lose after high school... and the end of that is coming up fast. But my point is, I think I've learned another lesson about myself and life from Javan. Basically, you never know when or where you are going to find a friend. And that is both intimidating and exciting at the same time.
I could write about so many more people but that is all my time for now. I love each and every one of you, and I say that most sincerely. Thanks again for reading.